Recently I woke up to a flurry of texts where several of my family members were communicating about a family situation. There was venting, opinions and of course, misunderstanding.
One of the challenges of communicating in general but especially with texting is how easily things can be misinterpreted. As I was trying to formulate my response and struggling to come up with the “right” phrasing to text back I was getting really flustered. I decided to slow down. I asked myself, “What would I say if I wasn’t worried about how it was received?”
Immediately, I relaxed. An idea came into my mind of what to say and I composed my response coming from love. Then I had an insight… in that moment I could see for myself how much my communications and actions were due to an “in order to.”
In order to…
- Please someone
- Get my way
- Not upset or anger someone
- Look good or be the hero
- Get approval
I could go on and on. It seems to me this is what complicates communication, relationships and ultimately life. We don’t realize we are formulating our communication or taking an action in order toget some result or outcome that is out of our control. The fact is we have zerocontrol over another’s’ response or actions.
Obviously, this is not license to be a jerk without regard for someone’s feelings however it is an opportunity to be authentic, come from a place of love and compassion (our natural state) and express ourselves. From this place of love and compassion there is no expectations, therefore no disappointment in the outcome.
It’s so simple it is easy to overlook or dismiss. Experiment with this for yourself. Notice when you are communicating or doing something if you have a hidden “in order to.” Ask yourself, “If I was coming from love and compassion, how might I say or do this differently? Would I even do it at all?” It seems to me when we come from love without an expectation of a particular response, i.e. without trying to control the outcome, there is no guilt, burden or stress.
Imagine what would be possible without “In order to” in your relationship, in your family, in your business or job, in your life. Imagine the freedom. Imagine how much simpler and easier life would be.
If any of this is intriguing to you or you’d like to dive deeper into this conversation to see how it might help you please contact me to schedule a time to talk.